"I measure my life in vessels. They trace the contours of my days. Teacup, bowl, oil, lamp, pitcher, baptismal font. Communion chalice, basin, bathtub. I sleep in the belly of night and wake under a downturned bowl of blue.
I ponder their shapes as I begin to understand my own longing: wanting to be held, fighting against being contained.
Teach me, I say. Tea, food, oil, water, wine, stars, sky. Teach me how to gracefully, powerfully fill my space."
"You hallow us out, God,
so that we may carry you,
and you endlessly fill us
only to be emptied again.
Make smooth our inward spaces
and sturdy,
that we may hold you
with less resistance
and bear you
with deeper grace."
As I reflect on Jan Richardson's devotion, I realize that in this season when many things can fill our calenders, mailboxes and in-boxes, that the place I long to be filled the most is the hallow of my heart, the shared bowls of soup and mugs of tea with loved ones. I walk towards the font, longing to be reminded that I am a child of God. Perhaps this is why I don't fold my hands when I pray, rather, I cup my hands, as a bowl ready to receive God's presence and grace.
What vessels hold you in this season?
3 comments:
oh my god. i do that too! sometimes my vessel is bigger -- like a huge salad bowl. this is so helpful for me right now.
side thought: does this work better for women because we relate to mary as a vessel? not that that's all we are good for. but it seems that women have a more innate sense of what it means to hold onto god. oh. is that judgmental?
I love that poem - thanks for reminding me about it.
thanks, Stacey. I was thinking this week about spending some time at Taize in France during college, where they served all food in small plastic bowls. We drank our cocoa from them, then sipped soup out of them - they held everything. When someone in our group would whine about being cold or having to sit so long during morning prayer or generally not being in their comfort zone, our wise professor on the trip would say "Make your bowl smaller." As in - your expectations are so huge that they'll never be fulfilled. But if we suspend our heaps of expectations and hollow out some space (thank you, Jan Richardson) that's when we can finally feel fulfilled. So those red plastic bowls are still a helpful image for me.
So, to finally answer your great question about which vessels are holding me this Advent... Hmmmm. I can easily think of all the vessels I hold or fill to the brim, but as far as what vessels are holding me? I hope it's something like a big sailboat of God's grace in what seems to be a sea of chaos that is my work life right now. Thanks again, Stacey. (Jon might appreciate the bowl story too)
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